Imagine you’re trying to watch a movie, you’ve accidentally switched the directors commentary on and you don’t know how to switch it off. Rose is asking Jack to draw her like one of his French girls but you can’t hear that because James Cameron is going on and on about the iceberg in the next scene and the CGI used in the last scene. You’re trying to concentrate but you can’t - the judgement of what's happening on screen, talk about the past, talk about the future is distracting you from enjoying the substance, the reality, the here and now.
Our minds are like that too. Its difficult for us to be in the present moment because we’re being pulled out of it so often by our thoughts: we have regrets from the past, we have worries about the future. Mindfulness is simply the practice is being present with our experience, here and now. Making the active choice to focus your awareness on what's happening to you without judging that experience, without reacting to it an without being swept away by how we feel.
Now that's easier said than done - the reason why we call it a practice is because it takes effort and time. But it doesn’t take much: doing it for a few minutes a day for a month will make a noticeable, measurable difference. What is that difference? Lets say you’re feeling stressed, you had a bad day at work and your partner says something innocent that you take exception to. Mindfulness is the difference between reacting by saying something tetchy that you regret and choosing to breathe for a few seconds where you notice that you’re stressed, you notice your reaction to what they said and you choose to say something else. Or find out what they intended. Or not speak at all.
Mindfulness is not just a way to reduce stress after the fact. It allows you reduce the impact that stressful situations have on you as they’re happening. More than that, it helps you to understand yourself and why you experience difficult emotions in a particular situation. And taking an even bigger step back, it can help you make choices in structuring your life that cultivate calmness and happiness.
But for now its enough to hold in your awareness that all you have to do to live a calmer, happier life is to spend more time in the present moment. And it works: anxiety ruled my life for the first thirty years. I was ashamed of it, I was afraid of other people finding out how much I struggled. I could barely speak to people I didn’t know. I avoided social situations or anywhere with crowds. I still experience anxiety but mindfulness has allowed me to accept it and reduce the harm I experience, and if it helped me it might help you.
The last thing I would say is give mindfulness a chance. You have absolutely nothing to lose and the whole world to gain. I said that practicing a little every day for a few weeks will make a noticeable difference. Practicing for year will transform your life, your relationships, how you view yourself, your perspective on the world. Bear in mind that we’re trained through modern life to expect immediate payoff and instant gratification but mindfulness will require you to be patient. I’ve heard lots of people say "I tried it and it didn’t work" after trying to meditate on their own for five minutes once. Give it time, meditate with other people and be patient with yourself.
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