A couple of times a year I do a bit of a refresh of the basics of mindfulness - for those people stumbling across the practice for the first time but also as a reminder of the fundamentals if you’re more experienced. I try to do it through a slightly different lens each time - for this one I want to consider mindfulness as a tool for exploring yourself.
I was a bit lost when I came across mindfulness. It was the end of a relationship and not a great time in my life all around - I was struggling with my mental health and more importantly I couldn’t help but feel that there must be more to life than what I was experiencing. The odd thing is, I was both right and wrong. I was wandering through a world of distraction and consumption, avoiding spending time alone, quiet, still. Afraid of the thoughts and feelings that might come up and overwhelm me.
I think a lot of people experience life this way. I was very lucky - I had started reading about meditation when a friend invited me to a sangha in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. I came out of that meeting feeling like a huge burden had been lifted. It doesn’t tend to be this immediate for most people, it usually takes a couple of weeks of regular practice to start experiencing a difference but practicing with others speeds this up.
I learned how simple the practice is - it is simply focusing your awareness on something without judgement. It could be your breath, your body, your thoughts, your feelings, the external environment. It is the effort of focusing your experience on one thing that allows you to start to let go of distractions in the present, of worries about the future and regrets from the past. Its that simple and it’s hugely liberating - but it requires patience and persistence. Like any training, its something you need to do regularly before it kicks in by itself. What you’ll find is that in difficult moments of doubt, fear, anger, sadness you will know to stop and tend to those feelings with compassion and care rather than beating yourself up or hitting the panic button.
Why does this work and how can this help us to know ourselves? I like to think of our capacity for stress as a bucket. Every day stressful experiences come along and pour more water into the bucket until its nearly full. When its at that point, any disturbance to the bucket will send water flying everywhere. When we meditate and practice mindfulness (and do the other things that are good for our peace like exercise) we drain the bucket, so even if its disturbed it doesn’t spill over. More than this, when we practice regularly we can deal with life’s disturbances much more easily (I might have overstretched that metaphor).
If we work on our calmness, we're less likely to get swept away by life’s difficulties. Instead, when something comes along that we react to with anger, fear or sadness, we have the calmness to stop and explore why we are feeling this way about the situation. I can’t tell you how many insights I’ve had sitting on my meditation cushion - why I’m anxious in social situations, why I get impatient when a meeting is going slowly. This insight then changes how you view these situations and reduces the difficult feelings. Its a virtuous cycle, one that sets you free. You will still experience a certain level of fear, anger and sadness but they don’t have the same control over you. You really get to know yourself, and because of that you learn to accept yourself. When you accept who you are you can finally relax and be comfortable in your own skin.
Mindfulness isn’t a cure-all and it doesn’t work for everyone. But if you’re coming to this new I’d suggest a couple of things:
Try it - you have nothing to lose;
Give it a proper go - practice a little every day for a month;
Join a local group;
If it works for you, share it with someone else.
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