Meditation isn’t working for me - it doesn’t make me feel calm
To see the benefits of mindfulness meditation takes time - if you practice regularly you can expect to see changes to your mood and stress level in a month to six weeks. To maximise the chances of this you want to do this a little bit every day.
But most people know this, they know it’s not instantaneous; what I think people struggle with is being alone with their thoughts. Many of us are just not used to it - we fill our time with activities and consumption to the point that we spend very little time still and quiet. So the first time we try and do it, its terrifying. There’s all of these thoughts flying around, some of which are very difficult to hear. Much easier to stick the TV on and drown them out - for a while. But if you give yourself a chance you can allow these difficult thoughts to pass without grabbing on to them, allow your mind to gradually settle. Which leads on to number two…
I can’t settle - I just have too many thoughts
If your head is full of thoughts that's fantastic, there’s no better time to meditate than when you have a busy mind. Remember that we’re not trying to clear our mind - we’re simply noticing and accepting our present experience and allowing ourselves to physically and mentally calm. The reason why a guided meditation is typically 20 minutes long is because it takes 15 minutes for this settling process to take place.
There’s no need to rush this, you can simply let it happen by itself in its own time. All you have to do is to be still, quiet and make your best effort to focus your awareness on your breath, your body, your thoughts, wherever the guided meditation is leading you. You don’t need to hold your attention perfectly - your mind will wander at times - however to see the benefits of mindfulness you don’t have to be perfect at it, you only have to do your best.
I do understand though, when I’m stressed and my mind is busy I don’t feel like meditating. On Monday I went to my mindfulness group and my head was all over the place, I thought that I'd never be able to settle. But, being patient with myself and persistent with focusing my awareness, sure enough, my mind did relax.
I can’t focus on my breath, it freaks me out
I’ve heard this a few times, its quite a common problem. Just remember that there’s lots of options for meditation that don’t involve focusing on your breath - mindful walking, mindful eating, guided meditations on images, loving kindness meditation.
I don’t have time, I’m too busy
It can be hard to develop a mindfulness practice around a busy life but I would suggest integrating it into your life rather than trying to crowbar it in. There’s lots of things we do every day that we can do slowly and mindfully like brushing our teeth, washing ourselves or cleaning.
We also need to ask ourselves why we’re overloading ourselves. We need to make space in our lives for our wellbeing, sometimes its seen as a badge of honour to be so busy you never have a minute to yourself (especially at work). Ask yourself if you really need to be this busy or if there things that you can stop doing, reduce working hours or hand responsibilities to other people. Of course you can’t do this with kids but there are guided meditations that are designed to be done with your children, you might be surprised how interested they are and its great for their mental health.
Its boring!
I love this one, partly because I can feel myself getting bored sometimes when I’m meditating. The good news is that if your mind is searching around for something to do, suggesting that you watch TV or go on social media and complaining that meditation is boring, congratulations! This is part of the process of settling and is completely normal. You are on the path.
I’m not spiritual / religious
That's fine, many people who practice aren’t spiritual, I certainly wasn’t when I started. For most people its a practical way of improving their mental health and nothing more. My view is that mindfulness is not about the supernatural - its about seeing the super in the natural, the joy in everyday life. You can easily forget the jargon, forget the bell, forget the chants, forget the roots in Buddhism - its about your current experience and your connection to the world. Its a really simple framework, you just have to put it into regular practice.
Meditation just isn’t for me
I always say that meditation isn’t for everyone and maybe you know someone who would never be convinced to try it. If you’re one of those people or know one of those people the one suggestion I would make is that you should find the form of stillness that works for you. Before I practiced I used to get stillness / calmness from fishing (sometimes called redneck meditation and I still consider myself a redneck). There’s loads of options - walking, gardening, creative activities. Everyone needs time to be still, quiet, away from screens and away from consumption.
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